A New Purpose

If you had asked me 6 months ago I would have been pretty certain what my purpose in life was and I could have told you, it was to touch the world for Jesus Christ, still is, but mainly through my job. Now my job is hanging by a tenuous thread it is time to redefine what I thought 6 months ago. Yesterday I wrote about my injury and loss of child care. Today I examine how it has totally changed not just my job situation; it has changed my heart and my life.

So began the journey of searching for another provider. Many of you know that Monkey doesn’t do well with change, which said, I was concerned how this would affect her. Surprisingly, being home with me didn’t seem to bother her. I assumed she would miss Ms. Cinny so much I wouldn’t be adequate to make her feel secure. I was wrong.

I thought it would be relatively simple to find a child care provider for a special needs child for before and after care and the occasional day off from school. I placed ads. Paper ads, internet ads, checked through disability resources, called daycare centers, interviewed over 13 women. We tried out a few and none worked out! Can you believe it? I’ve exhausted the resources here in our county. And since Monkey has alternate placement with school she MUST be picked up in our county to be eligible for placement to continue. Not to mention the “occasional” day off from school has turned into more frequent than occasional due to illnesses, school closings, snow days, and her 1-1 needing time off. I thought it would be simple to find someone who could care for my monkey. I was wrong.

This was a very frightening prospect, I struggled against it! I fought tooth and nail! I was determined to hold on to my job! Days rolled into weeks, weeks rolled into months and I was released from Worker’s Comp to return to light duty. As Ron White says, “I had the right to remain silent but I lacked the ability.” I had the right to return to work but I lacked the ability. But then one night as I prayed the perfect peace of God came upon me and I stopped struggling.

I spoke to people in Human Resources. I’m applying for FMLA, 12 wks of unpaid leave to care for my chronically sick child. But that doesn’t really change my dilemma.  After 12 weeks I may not have a child care provider. Honestly, as hard as I’ve looked, as much as I’ve prayed, as much as I’ve pleaded and begged, I don’t see myself going back to work short of a miracle.

Speaking of miracles, I know I have told you I love my job! Here is the miracle; I’m having my heart changed about staying home with Monkey. It isn’t what I would have chosen. I must face the facts even though it’s painful to admit; it’s easier to let someone else deal with the behavioral problems and the day to day issues that arise with Monkey. Work was my escape, work was my excuse, and work was how I defined myself. Take away work and what do I have left? Who am I?

These are the questions I will be facing in the very near future. I believe this is what God wants me to work on right now.  He wants me to find myself in Him, to be hidden under the shadow of His wing, taking Monkey under the shadow of the wings of my Father with me and teaching her about Jesus and His love. No longer will I delegate that responsibility.  I have a new purpose. I'm exploring options that previously were not open to me, looking in places that were once off limits because I couldn't get off work. There are doors that will open, there are paths to be taken, and this is a great adventure!