2018 A Year Of...

What is God speaking about for 2018? As I pray and seek, there are several things that continue and return to the forefront of my mind. I used to pick one word as the defining "Word of the Year" but this year is different. Last year was the "Year of Restoration". That word was spot on because God has restored so much to my life and most importantly, the joy of my salvation. 

This year, however, there are several different words.

• Suddenly! This will be a year of suddenly. Things long awaited will suddenly come to pass, and though we see them that way, they are things long awaited. This year will bring to pass many things long awaited because it is their appointed time. 
• Exposure The definition of the exposure is "the revelation of an identity or fact, especially one that is concealed". This can be both good or bad, depending on what mask you are hiding behind. 
• Expectation! What are you expecting? What we receive is dependent upon what we are expecting. I, for one, don't want my experiences with God capped by my own inability to come into agreement with what God is wanting to do. 
• Shift! It's a year to shift thinking and come into unparalleled faith. Faith isn't something you try to have. Faith is something you express in the face of what is unseen. If you need proof before you can express faith, well, that is not faith at all. As I shift thinking and come into deeper faith I felt God saying I will receive what I partake of. If I partake in negative thinking I will eat of that fruit. But if I partake in thinking like Heaven, keeping my eye single and watching only Him and what He's doing, then I will eat of that fruit. I am full of hope and great expectation!

What are YOU believing for in 2018? 

A Father's Love

Last week God did an amazing thing for me. The Maker of the Universe spoke to me through a woman I’ve never met that lives in Kampala, Uganda. This is what happened.

On Thursday I received a private message on FaceBook that said, “Hi sweetheart. Was praying before going to bed and as I started lifting you up in prayer, the Lord kept showing me Isaiah 49:1-end. I read it thru after praying and am asking that you read that whole chapter and claim every promise that is there and ask Him to show u a deeper revelation of what He is saying.”

I began to meditate on this Scripture and one of the verses spoke to me deeply, I have been praying for the salvation of my adult son. The New Living Translation says in Verse 25, “But the Lord says, “The captives of warriors will be released, and the plunder of tyrants will be retrieved. For I will fight those who fight you, and I will save your children.”

That leapt off the paper at me! When I read it I began praying for my son and asking God anew for his salvation. I felt a new hope well up inside me. I began to claim the promises and asking for more revelation regarding this message.

I’ve heard many people say that these promises are not for us today, that they were for the Israelites only and in the Old Testament. I have faith however that God can do anything and He can use any verse of Scripture to speak into our lives and they can come from anywhere in the world! Even if we don’t really know them well or they don’t know us well.

Sunday morning my son went to the altar to pray. He accepted Jesus as His Savior! I’ve been praying for this for a LONG time! God knew He was going to be moving on my son’s heart this week and He also knew I was becoming discouraged with praying for him so Our Father reached down into my life to encourage me. Now I'm rejoicing that my son has given his life to a the only One who can save him, the One who gave His life and died for him and me. What a loving Father! What a loving Savior! Thank you Jesus †

Dress Rehearsal

This year, as most years, our Church is having an Easter Drama/Musical and it requires a lot of time. I accepted Jesus as my Savior on January 1, 1998 and the very first thing I ever participated in was an Easter Program. I was captivated! I loved working on the backgrounds with Mr. Rex, our Director’s father, I loved the music, and I loved the time spent with other Christians but most of all I loved pouring myself into something that would glorify Jesus and bring His time on this earth to life before people today and hopefully draw them into a relationship with Him. My first year Mr. Rex told me that there would be a lot of time spent in rehearsal. I had no idea the amount of time we would spend in rehearsal! The week before the performance we were there every night until 11 or 12 but then came the performances. They made it all worthwhile! Lives were changed, people were saved, Jesus was lifted up and His Word was brought to life before my eyes! “And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all unto me.” John 12:32

As we have been rehearsing for our program this year, music since January and drama for a few weeks, I was thinking about how much it can take out of a person if they don’t have a passion for it. The motivation behind the rehearsal, if it is to glorify ourselves we will weaken quickly. This is much like life. We are so easily worn down when we do things in our own strength but when we wait on the Lord we will rise up on wings like eagles!

The Dictionary defines Rehearsal as:

1.      To practice something before performing such as a play, speech or piece of music before performing it for the public.

2.      To train somebody for performance someone who is practicing before doing something especially before giving a public performance.

3.      To go over a list of items often reasons, complaints or troubles.

4.      To say something or repeat something such as a story.

Have you ever thought that perhaps we are rehearsing every day, not for a play that runs three days and then is over until next year; but for eternity? What we do here matters! When we rehearse love, peace, kindness and forgiveness then we are rehearsing something that is worthy of a public performance. Conversely we can rehearse hate, prejudice, pride and lies, these things belong on another stage altogether.

Let’s be very careful that we aren’t rehearsing definition number three (making excuses or giving reasons why we can’t do something). Monkey used to be my excuse for not doing things, “Oh, I can’t go there, I have Monkey today, I can’t do that because I have Monkey” but God has brought me to the place that I comprehended if I make excuses I will never do anything. I am fully aware that I have used her as an excuse in the past but no more! The time is coming quickly for the performance; each of us will appear on the stage soon! Considering the magnitude of the actual occasion we are preparing for, eternity, I know that I’ll be more attentive to what I’m allowing myself to imagine and perform in my life. After all, when we imagine our futures according to God’s possibilities and not our human limitations there is nothing that God is unable to do! "But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26 KJV

The Bible tells us to guard our minds and to be careful what we think about, as a matter of fact there is a passage in Philippians that gives us the perfect thing to “rehearse”. If it doesn’t meet these criteria, it shouldn’t be in our dress rehearsal.  “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” Philippians 4:8-9

“Carefully guard your thoughts because they are the source of true life.” Proverbs 4:23 CEV

Now let’s get out there and break a leg!

The Shadow of the Alamo

I grew up in the shadow of the Alamo. Born in San Antonio, TX, I never fully understood how that would impact the rest of my days. The Alamo, a home to missionaries and their converts for nearly 70 years, it ended with a huge battle where much blood was spilled.

It was in the shadow of the Alamo that I was first introduced to Jesus Christos, at the age of only 3 years old, on the wall of the Rodriguez dining room, hanging on a cross. Prior to that, I had never heard or seen anything remotely resembling what I beheld that day. I had been playing with the Rodriguez boys, the only kids in our neighborhood who were young enough to have a 3yo tag along. They were only 4 and 5. They didn’t mind the little white haired girl who asked questions and wanted to know why all the time. I didn’t mind playing with dirt, bugs or climbing trees. I could run fast and find good hiding places. These things mattered.

On the day we went in the dining room and I noticed the painting; we were there for a quick snack and then back to playing but I couldn’t take my eyes off of this man in the painting. There was something about Him that made me feel funny, and not ha ha funny either. For some reason, I knew deep down I wanted to be just like Him. I didn’t know who He was, I didn’t know why He was nailed up on that cross and I didn’t know much, but I did know this, He was up there for me, because He LOVED me. By the time we washed up and snacks were served I had devised a plan in my little 3yo brain. By my estimation and by the questions I’d asked in between bites it should be relatively simple to be just like this man who they told me was the Son of God; and to be not just like Him but to be with Him too. Understand though, Mrs. Rodriguez spoke English about as well as I spoke Spanish, so that may be where the lines got crossed.

And here is how it all went down, so to speak. I convinced David and Jose that if they would just nail me to the mesquite tree that surely that would be good enough. I could stand on a milk crate and after they nailed me they could kick the crate out from under me. Voila, as my momma always said, problem solved. They had some objections. You can imagine. But from a practical standpoint though, I really did have it all figured out. There were nails down the alley behind the bar on Hotwells Blvd we could go get (we weren’t supposed to go down the alley but I had convinced them and myself that God would understand because it was for Him, the nails were rusty but that was okay, I didn’t mind because I really wanted to meet Jesus Christos face to face) and my daddy had a hammer. After a few hours of convincing, I talked them into it, I can be persuasive I suppose.

If it hadn’t been for my sister I would probably have tetanus and nail scarred hands. She was a well known eavesdropper in our neighborhood and I’m thankful now for it! She went and told my mom who came running out of our house, apron flying, flour billowing off it, screaming something about me being the death of her and Catholics…I don’t know, I was preparing to meet Jesus Christos. Long story short…I was no longer allowed to play with the Rodriguez boys.

I don’t know if having my roots so deeply planted in the blood soaked soil so close to the Alamo actually influenced my passion for missions. Perhaps it did, but I do know that Jesus Christ made sure I was born in the shadow of the Alamo, that I would first see Him on the wall of a tiny house on Pyle Rd and that I would forever fall in love with Him because He loved me first.

As a 3yo child I didn't understand that Jesus Christ came to die on a cross so I wouldn't have to. I thought that to be with Him I had to physically die on a cross as well, but it's so much simpler than that. Confess my sins to Him, repent from my sins, ask forgiveness, accept Him as the Lord and Savior of my life and then pick up my cross and follow Him. I pray you'll make the same decision I did...

Here's The Buzzzzzzzz

One day while sitting in church the Pastor was preaching and he said that we should ask the Lord for a new Biblical name. It didn’t really make a whole lot of sense to me because honestly I hadn’t been paying attention, my mind had been more on whether Monkey was behaving in Sunday School so I missed the whole why thing, but I bowed my head and said, “God, I’m not sure why he said we should do this but if You want to give me a new name then I want all You have for me so…uhhhh I’d like a new name please, if that is Your will? Thank you? In Jesus Name, Amen”. Can you tell I was unsure on the whole thing? And that was that.

On to the rest of the sermon, I WAS paying attention, although I don’t recall what it was about now because it was in 2009 and what happened next trumps what Pastor had to say anyway. I’m sitting on the 4^th row from the front. Amanda H. was in front of me to the right in the center. Hubby was to my left and in my right ear (which I’m 40% deaf in) I hear a faint whisper, “Deborah”. I got all hot and sweaty. My heart was racing. No one was next to me on that side, I looked. We were the only ones on the whole pew! I looked behind me. No one. Hubby asked if I was okay and I nodded yes. I’m thinking someone behind us named Deborah must have a loud husband. Again it happened, only this time it’s louder and in both ears but also in my head I hear, “I will call you Deborah”. I thought I would throw up right there. Deep in my heart I knew it was for me but I asked hubby if he said anything. Nope, okay. Did he hear anything? Nope. Am I okay? Because my face is pale and I look freaked out! I picked up the Bible and looked in the concordance and guess what? There IS a woman named Deborah in the Bible. God has decided to rename me that. So, that is my Biblical name, I still go by Ann because it’s easier than telling people…well…this! But on my pray Shawl in Hebrew I have the name Deborah embroidered on the case.

I try to be completely transparent with this blog so I have one more confession to make here. Listening to the rest of Pastor’s sermon that Sunday morning was one of the hardest things I’ve EVER done because after God speaks something like that to you even listening to an anointed man of God preach an interesting sermon is difficult! All I wanted to do was devour the book of Judges! I’d never read it and knew nothing about her so I was itching to get home and dive in!

I’ve looked up why one would ask for a new name and here is what I’ve come up with.

1.      It changes your standing with God. Like Jacob (supplanter or deceitful) to Israel (prosperous). So he went from deceitful to prosperous.

2.      It is a fulfillment of a promise. Sarai (princess) which was a promise to Sarah (mother of multitudes) fulfillment of the promise.

3.      It indicates a change in the direction of the life of the one whose name has been changed. Saul’s name was changed to Paul.

So while my name change is only symbolic I believe it has impacted every area of my life as surely as if I had gone to the court house…

The name Ann means God favored me. I like that, He has favored me. He favored me so much He sent me Jesus Christ and THAT is favor.

Deborah means bee. How peculiar, my husband’s last name means keeper of the bees and my new name means bee…hmmmm?  You don’t mess with a bee. Bee’s sting and they can do quite a bit of damage but they also produce honey that is sweet and a little known fact about honey, it has no expiration date. Bacteria cannot grow in honey, it will never go bad. It is my sincere prayer that my works here on earth for Jesus Christ go on and do not “grow bacteria” so to speak. That I leave a legacy that will go from one generation to the next.

The Woman at the Well

I have been studying "The Woman at the Well" (John 4:4-42) since I met Jesus in 1998. This story can be related to most of our lives in some fashion. I remember the first time that our choir director asked me to portray this woman in our Easter Program long ago how deeply I connected to her. She didn’t know that, she didn’t know my history. If you are unfamiliar with this story I encourage you to read it. It is very powerful. I believe the story is trying to teach us to forgive, love, and respect each other regardless of circumstance or status. I would like to know what others think about this topic and how you can relate it to your own life. I would sincerely appreciate your comments on this.

In OUR portrayal of her life she comes to the well during the hot midday and meets Jesus, realizes He’s the Christ, her life is changed and she runs back to the town meeting the women who had scorned her singing to them, “You’ll never find my story in a fairy tale, I wasn’t like the other women at the well, my life was full of pain, hurt, rejection. My loneliness I didn’t want to show, but Jesus saw the desert in my soul. Drink from this water, drink from this water, and you will never, you’ll never thirst again. Drink from this water. Drink from Living Water and you never, you’ll never thirst again.” Then suddenly the ladies who had scorned her accepted her and followed her back to Jesus and everything turns out lovely. It is a role I am honored to have been asked to play and am thankful that God has allowed me to bring her to life but really, there is only so much you can do in 4-5 minutes during a musical/drama. Let’s take a more realistic look at her life and her interaction with Jesus.

This was a socially unacceptable encounter that had occurred! Not only was she a woman, she was a Samaritan woman AND she was a LOOSE Samaritan woman! Being a woman was considered a curse back then and being a Samaritan woman was a double curse. My heart breaks for her. She made such a mess of her life. I relate to her. I’ve made many of those same choices she did. Living with a man whom she wasn’t married to, I've done that. Married more than once. I've done that. I’m every bit as bad as this Samaritan woman. I just happen to live in a different time period where it’s not as socially unacceptable. But it’s still unacceptable to God.

So, back to our woman at the well, Jews avoided Samaritans and treated them as half breeds, unclean, to be avoided at all costs, yet Jesus went out of His way to meet her at the place of her need. He knew she would be there at the hottest time of the day to avoid the condemnation of the other women in her community who drew water in the cool of the morning. He engaged her in conversation which was unheard of! A Jewish man speaking to a Samaritan woman shows that this Jewish man was more than just a Jewish man; He is the Christ revealing Himself to the lowest of society. What compassion He has. What love He felt toward this woman who was doing her best to mask her shame. Jesus had a conversation with this woman that was amazing. He asked her for a drink of water and then proceeded to give her a lesson on Living Water. Then He asked her about her husband, she answered she had no husband, He answered that she had answered well because she had not one but five husbands and the one she was with was not her even her husband. This brings me to an important point. In those days a man could divorce a woman for any reason he desired (burned the rice to birthed the wrong sex child) and she had no recourse, no resources, and no way to support herself. This could explain why she had so many men. Could it have not been her choice? Does this shine a new light on her? My point is this, she lived a very hard life whether it was by her own choices or the choices of others and how amazing it was that this God Man Jesus didn’t just come to the Jews, He came to her. He understood. He took the time to sit and talk to her when others avoided her and not only that, He offered her Living Water, eternal water. He handpicked this woman out of all the women to have this conversation with and I thank Him to this day for it!

Then Jesus taught her about worshiping in spirit and truth through the power of God’s Spirit. I’m not certain but I don’t think He had even shared that lesson with the disciples at that point. She told Jesus that one day the Messiah would come and tell them all thing and Jesus revealed to her, “I who speak to you am He.” WOW! I imagine she must have been blown away! But then the disciples came back and I imagine although no one said anything about Jesus talking to this Samaritan woman that they didn’t make her feel very welcome (they were Jews after all and in their defense they weren’t God in the flesh).

At this point she left her water pot and RAN in the midday heat back to the city to tell the men she had seen the Messiah! That’s right, the men. Because I imagine the women wouldn’t have listened to her even then. (Any woman who lived a life like hers was not only scorned but seen as a threat.) But the men, well, they knew all about her and when she came running into the town yelling, “I just met a man who told me EVERYTHING I ever did!”,  it probably got their attention since it likely included things they’d done as well.

The conversation recorded with the woman at the well was a long conversation, and not only was it long, it changed the course of history. The woman at the well was the first woman evangelist! She was commissioned by Jesus Christ Himself. In John 4:34-38 Jesus told the disciples that His food is to do the will of His Father who sent Him and of the fields being white for harvest. Many Samaritans believed because of the woman’s testimony. She took them to Jesus and they compelled Him to stay and many more believed because of Jesus’ own word. He is the Christ, the Savior of the world!

So, really, isn’t the story of the Woman at the Well really the expression of evangelism as it should be. The seed sower, Jesus, didn’t care about the social status of the soil He sowed the seed in, He looked upon the heart. He looked for the need, He came for the sinner, praise God because that’s ME! He commands us to sow seeds as well. We are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, regardless of their situation.  We are to ALL be evangelists! Every single one of us who knows Jesus Christ should be an evangelist regardless of whether we are Jew or Gentile, Man or Woman. We should sow the seed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ into every heart whether the person has influence and can tithe or is homeless and will need to be supported.

The Samaritan Woman said it all with her sense of urgency when she RAN in the midday heat to tell those who had rejected and scorned her that the Messiah had come! Let’s reach as many people as we can! Let’s stop splitting hairs about preferences and details. Who can and can’t go and tell, who is and who isn’t “worthy” to spread the good news. Truth is, none of us are worthy. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed, to demonstrate at the present time His righteousness, that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” Romans 3:23-26 NKJV

The Samaritan Woman was one of the very first that Jesus revealed Himself  to as Messiah beyond the Jewish people and she represents the very heart of ministry. Run to the hurting, tell them about Jesus, bring them to Him and let Him bind their wounds.

Did I ever tell you about the time I picked up a prostitute?

It was a rainy day, the kind of rainy day where it’s coming down in buckets and no one should be outside walking on the side of the road.  So I’m driving on Route 40 in Aberdeen MD in the early 90’s with my son in the back seat of my station wagon when I see her, she is walking on the side of the road near a motel (I totally missed this fact in my concern for her safety) and she looked to be about my age, 20’s. I stopped the car and leaned over, opened the door and hollered, “Get in!” She did.

She seemed very confused to be in my little station wagon; she was stick thin and soaked to the skin. She was beautiful but looked hopeless.  I felt such compassion for her. I thought she was walking to work. She mentioned she wasn’t usually into women but whatever and then my wonderful little boy in the back seat said, “Hi. Why ya walking in the rain?” She hadn’t noticed him until then. I asked where she was headed and then she told me she was a working girl. I being naïve told her I was too, I worked at the VA.  She said, “No, I mean a (speaking slowly) w-o-r-k-i-n-g girl. But thank you for not just assuming that.”

That day I took a young girl, someone’s daughter and perhaps a sister, to a nearby diner to have a warm bite to eat and hopefully she felt stronger afterward. What I wanted to do was offer her hope but I didn’t know Jesus then. All I could do was offer her a warm meal and a dry ride back to her hopelessness. I think back on that day and the only regret I have about picking up a prostitute was that I didn’t know Jesus to share true HOPE with her. I pray for that girl, no longer a girl but a woman, and I pray that someone else came along who was interested in the beauty in her heart and not just her face and body, someone who shared the Good News with her.

So I challenge you to remember exactly why Jesus came. He came to offer hope to the hopeless, to heal the sick, to forgive the unforgiveable, to offer Living Water! Here’s the challenge, with Valentine’s Day we often think of those we love but what about those who have no one who love them. The hurting, the broken, those in need of the Good News? Share the only Love that is lasting today! For Valentine’s Day this year introduce someone to the Man who will love them unconditionally and forgive their sins. The Man Jesus who was born of a virgin, lived a sinless, perfect life, died for our sins and on the 3^rd day rose from the grave! He conquered sin and Hell so we could come to be with Him.

No one is too far gone, there is no sin too evil, no secret too dark, nothing that Jesus cannot shine His Light on and offer forgiveness and a new life. I’m living proof. He did this for me.

If you don’t know Jesus as your personal Savior all you have to do is repent from your sins, believe in Him and accept the gift of salvation. Wearing nice clothes won’t save you, neither will driving a nice car or living in the better section of town, going to church won’t save you either, only accepting Jesus Christ can save us. Surrender to Him today.

“Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

“Father, I know that I have broken Your laws and my sins have separated me from You. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward You. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that Your Son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. Jesus, please come into my heart and forgive my sins, cover me with Your blood and wash me clean,  become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.”

What To Do When The Test Isn't For You?

How do you handle it when the person you love is going through a time of growth and testing that affects everyone around them? Due to the situation of no daycare for Monkey, her seizures returning and me being unable to work things are stressful right now. I have gone through the testing of my faith with this (I know it’s an ongoing process), there is peace in my heart that regardless of circumstances we will have all our needs met and God will bring us through it. I thought for some strange reason that my dear husband was in the same place I was spiritually. Apparently I was mistaken.

So now we are in a place where all I can do is be supportive and pray which in and of itself is another test. How do you help someone else grow their faith?  How do you pass on to another what you have? Is there any other option to help them “get it” or do I just watch and pray? These are not rhetorical questions. These are real questions that I’m looking for answers for; this is the place I’m living right now.

On the one hand, I feel almost guilty that I’ve got peace and he doesn’t; on the other hand I want to shake him until he understands that God will never take us anywhere that He hasn’t perfectly planned and prepared already, even if it’s a scary place. We just have to TRUST JESUS!!!

I ask for prayers from you. Please pray my wonderful sweetheart gets a real up close view of just how BIG our God is and how He is capable of bringing us through this. Please pray that I am a good and loving wife to him so that he will see Jesus in me and that Monkey will not be affected by this time of testing. Up until now she is doing well. I know that stress and Monkey are not a good mix especially since her seizures have returned and up until now she has had a LOT of change, and there is more on the horizon.

To recap Monkey’s changes November 2010 we lost Cinny, our beloved daycare provider, Mommy is now home with her, her seizures have returned, and beginning Monday we will start with a new 1-1 riding to and from school and a new paraprofessional at school. WOW! Change…here we come! Maybe God is helping Monkey to become used to change so she will be able to handle it smoothly for whatever He has planned for us. I am trying to look at this positively. J

What if...

I'm sorry for my absence here, I believe the next few posts will explain why I have been gone...

What if God’s plan for your life was different than yours? What if it were so radically different you had never even conceived of the idea? What if it required for you to lay down everything that you thought would make you happy and content? What if it removed everything familiar and caused you to rely only on Him, not just saying it but really walking it out? Would you be open to this plan?

I’ve worked my entire life, started working as a teenager and have never been unemployed. The job I’m in now I’ve had for 17 years and 10 months.  I enjoy my work; I find pleasure in it and am completely fulfilled there. The people I work with are wonderful and seem like family to me. The veterans I serve are a blessing and it feels good to give back to them. So, if you are anything like me, you may wonder how this might not be God’s will for my life. I know I’ve done a lot of questioning and praying and pleading and crying and well, you get the picture.

But in October of 2010 I was hurt on the job, surgery was in November 2010 and the week after the surgery we lost our daycare provider that Monkey has been with since she was 15 months old. She’s the only other person on this earth I trust with her, she was the one who was with us through all the seizures, medicines, surgeries and diets. I love this woman as surely as I love my sister. She feels like my sister. She treats Monkey as her own. I grieved. They moved away, 2 states away. Thankfully, I was still out on Worker Comp, surely I could find someone else.

This proved a bit more difficult than I imagined. I’ve found on occasion God will close doors to keep us in places we would rather not be.

Ready For A New Season

To Every Thing There is a Season
Ecclesiastes 3

To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones,
and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Sometimes the hardest thing is determining what season we’re in. A time to heal, a time to break down, a time to weep and mourn, a time to lose, I’m pretty sure these are the times I’m in presently but since they are appointed to occur I’m thankful for them. Looking forward to a time to build up, dance and laugh. But the season of joy means nothing without the season of pain.

The season of pain is where we grow. Growing hurts, growing stretches who we are to make room for what is to come. That is encouragement to me, it reminds me there is something yet to come.

Grace...

We have all sinned…every one of us. Not one of us is righteous. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” Romans 3:23

The sin in my past is so atrocious that I can’t bear to even speak it, the things I did, how I profaned God’s Holy name. I pursued my life of sin with passion; I made it my goal to discover all this world had to offer. But I was miserable, the more I sought to fill that void the worse it became. My sins were not just in my heart and mind, my sin was so public that everyone knew. Everyone. I made no effort to conceal them.

Others have sin that they feel is concealed. No one knows they beat their wives, maybe not with fists, perhaps it’s only with words. That’s not as bad as so and so…No one sees the secret sinful longing of their heart; No one knows about their sin because you can’t see them festering on the inside, they appear holy on the outside, many times even the one doing the sinning can’t see them. Secret sins. Things we do that don’t seem like sin to us but the Word says, “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.” In Proverbs 14:12. We have all been influenced by a society that makes the perverse acceptable and calls the righteous truths of God a lie and bigotry. God forbid we are narrow minded.

So who’s sin is greater? What are the consequences of that sin?

I was told that the consequences of my sin will be worse because my sin was public, that God will never be able to use me as He would have if not for my sin. I bought that lie; hook, line and sinker until the truth of the Word began to show me that the God I serve is bigger than their God; because my God, the God of the Bible, the Creator of the universe, and the Savior of the world is bigger than my sin. His blood is able to cover my sin.

The Bible says “Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” Isaiah 1:18 Thank you Jesus!

When I give thanks to His Name for what He has done for me it is a sacrifice of praise…“By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his Name.” Heb 13:15

“Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.” I Pet 2:5

God’s grace abounds in my life enabling me to walk the narrow road with Jesus. The Holy Spirit keeps me from many snares and stumbles. I’ve been forgiven much and I love Jesus all the more because of it.

Has this touched a nerve with you? Do you feel like you are unable to be forgiven because what you’ve done is so bad? Do you live like you have no sin but the Holy Spirit is pointing some out to you now? There is a remedy. Give your life to Jesus, surrender to Him and let Him wash you clean. If you have already been saved but have sin in your life you can’t overcome this is the remedy. Confess. Repent.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9

Trusting, No Matter What…

I have a story to tell. It is a true story. It happened to my family and changed us forever. Here is a small part of that story…

On March 11th 2006, I put my Monkey upstairs for a nap. She had slept for about an hour when my sweet husband said I should go check on her. It wasn’t unusual for her to nap for 1 ½ to 2 hours but he said he had a bad feeling so I went up. I’ll never forget opening her door and seeing her lying with her feet tangled in the blanket on the bed, head on the floor in a pool of blood, she was gray. Who knows how long it had been going on, she was having a seizure. I called out for Tommy to dial 911; it took 45 minutes for them to get to our home. She was in what is called status epilepticus for 10 hours. She bit the tip of her tongue off and the sides were badly chewed. (To this day Monkey has what she calls a BobBob tongue ‘cause the tip is square.) When she finally woke up the following day she didn’t know who I was. She was unable to move her right arm or leg. She couldn’t speak. After the doctors had gotten her out of status during her weeklong stay in the hospital one of the MRI’s showed a mass in the left side of her brain. We received the worst news any parent could ever hear, cancer, inoperable and terminal. This didn’t sound right to me, didn’t sit well in my spirit. I couldn’t believe it; they had to be wrong…

During this time I begged the Lord to spare Monkey’s life. My husband was not a Christian so I felt very alone in my pleas to the Lord. He would sit with me as I prayed but would not join me. I felt led by the Lord to take her from that hospital, a world renowned children’s hospital, so we made an appointment with a neurologist at Kennedy Krieger Institute for a second opinion.

I took Monkey to our pastor and the elders and requested prayer. They anointed her with oil and prayed over her with the entire congregation. During the prayer I heard God speak into my spirit “I will heal her and I will be glorified.” I knew that God would heal my daughter, although at the time I had no idea the path we would walk or the way He would chose to heal her. He is sovereign! He is always good, even when we hurt and the path is filled with tears, Jesus is with us always…

The neurologist at Kennedy Krieger told me that the “cancer” the first hospital diagnosed was not cancer. It was a mass, which either caused the seizure or was the result of it. This was music to my ears! NOT CANCER! An answer I had asked for so we began trying to control the seizures with medication. She failed every drug they gave her. She would respond during a brief “honeymoon” period but it never lasted long. By August 2006 our neurologist referred us to Johns Hopkins Pediatric Epilepsy Center because she failed to respond to medication and the seizures increased in frequency and intensity. She was hospitalized in the PICU 4 times during this time when her rescue meds didn’t work either. I found myself turning to the God and His Word more than ever.

Now I remind you here…God TOLD me He would heal her! He spoke it and I’m as sure of that as I am that I live on planet earth. But sometimes our answers don’t come instantly. I believe we live in a “microwave society” where everything we want is expected when we want it…or else! When the answer doesn’t come quickly and the situation is dire what do you do? Have trust and faith. Lean on Jesus and the people He sends into your life to help you through. He sent us people during that time. People, who prayed for us, came to the hospital, drove us to appointments, fixed us meals, took care of our other children, helped us with medication and hospital bills, nurses who showed us extraordinary kindness, doctors who treated more than the condition…they treated the whole child, friends who sat in our living room and watched me fall to pieces because I felt utterly shattered by this monster of epilepsy that ravaged my Monkey. Weeping and experiencing pain over a situation doesn’t mean you don’t trust, it just means you’re human. I thank God everyday for His mercies which are new each morning, I thank Him for giving me that Word of assurance that He would heal her to hold on to, it was an anchor and without it I believe I might have drowned in my sorrow. He knew exactly what we needed to get through the situation but more than that He knew we needed the situation to grow my faith, to bring us to repentance, my husband to salvation and Monkey to wholeness.

This story is not an uncommon one. According to the Epilepsy Foundation 200,000 new cases of epilepsy are diagnosed each year.  This is a testimony. Not my testimony, not Monkey’s either; it is a testimony of the healing power and love of a Savior.

If you don’t know Jesus as your Savior, below is a prayer you can pray to receive Him as your Lord. If you pray this prayer please let me know, confess Jesus with your mouth and tell others what He did for you!

“Father, I know that I have broken Your laws and my sins have separated me from You. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward You. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that Your Son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. Jesus, please come into my heart and forgive my sins, cover me with Your blood and wash me clean,  become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.”

You have not because you ask not…

In Luke 11:9 Jesus says ask and it will be given, seek and we’ll find and knock and the door will be opened up to us…So what are we asking for?

Yesterday morning before I even rose from the bed I asked God for a person to tell about Him. Just please send someone to me to share about Jesus and allow me to see it as the opportunity it is. And then of course came the usual morning routine complete with where are my shoes, did I charge my iPod last night, rise and shine sleepy heads! I forgot I’d even asked for that cause truly I was still half asleep, just drifting…

The knock on the office door came around 10am, I didn’t hear it but was getting ready to leave for a bit so I opened the door and standing outside was a man I recognized but didn’t know. He was looking for a piece of equipment so in he came looked and didn’t find what he was looking for so I was quick to usher him to the door. Casually, and to honest I didn’t really care what the answer was, I asked how he was doing. His answer took me by surprise. “I suppose you heard I was robbed and stabbed last month, almost bled out but I’m okay now.” Not the answer I was expecting but it got my attention. He told me of the incident and how it happened in broad daylight in a heavily populated area but no one saw a thing. He issued the warning to be aware of my surroundings and to always be on guard. There were a few things that came to mind but the overwhelming still small voice said, “Here is your someone, now what will you do?”

“If the knife had been a 1/8” over and severed your artery do you know where you would have gone if you died?”

“You mean my body?”

"No, your soul."                                                                                                                                                                                

“I’d like to think I’d go to Heaven…I hope I would anyways.”

“Why do you think you would go to Heaven? Why would they let you in?”

“Well, when I was a little boy I asked Jesus to save me, I’ve not lived right and I haven’t been the man I should be. Do you think I’d go to Heaven?”

“I know it’s possible to be sure.”

“I can’t believe you asked me about this, you are the only person who has ever asked me this.”

“I prayed this morning for someone to share about Jesus with today and here you are.”

“Can I come in and talk for a few minutes?’

And so began the conversation that led to him into my office, straight to the foot of the cross and then walking out my office door with a new countenance and a bit of a spring in his step…yes, a slight limp still but he said he felt the weight of the world lifted off him. He met Jesus and my prayer was answered.

I’m so thankful I took the time to ask the question that I didn’t care to know the answer for at the time because I was “busy”. Makes me wonder how many times my prayers have almost been answered but I was so caught up with my own selfishness I missed it…

What have you prayed for today? How was it answered? Share the love…