A New Beginning...

This is the 4th installment of a series I'm writing about being found by the child I placed for adoption. If you missed the previous entries you can check them out here, Entry One, Entry Two and Entry Three.

As we talk on the phone and text I see the similarities between us. There is no mistaking it, she is my daughter. We share more than just hair color and fair skin, we are alike in so many ways it floors me. She is amazing in every way to me. I feel like I’ve known her all along which is strange because we’re just getting to know each other and there is much about her I’ve yet to discover. I wonder if she feels the same about me?

From the very beginning when she found me she expressed an interest in meeting in person. I am so relieved by this. For years when I would daydream about what it would be like to be found I had the fear that it would only be to find out what her medical history was and that would be all. When she actually did find me the reality of it was something I never dared to let myself imagine. She wants us to be a part of her life. She wants to be part of our lives. Sometimes I can’t believe how incredibly blessed I am. This feels like a miracle.

We have planned a trip to meet not only her and her husband, but the wonderful people who raised her. How amazing is that? Such love and selflessness has surrounded this child as she grew, I can hardly wait to meet the people who raised her. They must be amazing too. In 8 days, just slightly over a week, Monkey and I will load up and drive down to see her! The anticipation I feel is so intense sometimes I find myself just tapping my foot anxiously as if that will speed up time. This is not just a trip, it's the beginning of a journey she and I will take together.

And while there is the anticipation and joy, I'm a little nervous about it as well. I pray that she will like me. I pray that Monkey will do well on the trip. I pray that any fear and nervousness felt on the part of her and her family will be eased. I pray...

This is a new beginning…

Fingerprints of God

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, there has been a lot going on and I’ve not been quite sure what to say. I’ve not been well, health-wise. I hope and pray it’s not serious. It has been ongoing and I’ve been undergoing many tests, that’s part of the reason for my silence. Not quite sure what to say. I’ve been passing out, for some strange reason, when I eat or drink, occasionally and it was not known why. So I have been through batteries of tests that showed nothing. Yesterday, however, I underwent a test that actually yielded some results! Here is what they found, I have two glands that are sensitive and when stimulated by pressure, heat or cold they cause my heart rate and blood pressure to plummet and then I pass out. So I have answers.

I read a dear friend’s blog yesterday and it changed how I looked at this news. I would like to link to it and share from it. Here is the link http://ryancatanddogvaughn.blogspot.com/2011/06/perfect-masterpiece.html?spref=fb and here is the story that touched my heart.

“I heard the most wonderful example of God's love for us at a Bible Study a while back. The speaker was telling the story of her little boy creating things out of playdoh. She said he was working very hard on his creation and handed it to her when he was done. He said, "It's perfect." She was examining it and trying to think of positive things to say about the lump of different colors. "Oh, you are really creative." And, "Wow, this is something." The little boy could tell his mother wasn't very impressed and said to her, "Mommy. You know why this is so beautiful and perfect? It has my fingerprints all over it."”

So as I read this, tears welled up in my eyes and I began to see how these glands that I was viewing as terrible mistakes that were causing me such distress were actually the fingerprints of my Maker. I’m so thankful that after months of testing I have an answer of why it’s happening. I know that there is a reason my glands are so sensitive and although I don’t understand I know my Father does. He created me perfectly in His image. When He looks at me in my brokenness He sees His fingerprints all over and in me, covered by the Blood of His precious Son and that makes me perfect.

I’m choosing to be optimistic about this because I know that my God has a plan for me.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. “ Jeremiah 29:11

Plans

You don’t have to knock me in the head with a brick, or maybe you do. At times I think I have a pretty good handle on my situation and other times I’m at a complete loss. I need to remember that it’s not my plans that matter, it’s the plans God holds for me.

Here is my brick upside the head day. Yesterday I was hoping to be at the end of a 3 day migraine. I had a very busy day planned and was so pleased that the pain was down to a low roar. Here was my agenda.

1.      Get Monkey up and ready for school.

2.      Get Red Bull (our French Mastiff) to the Vet’s for surgery.

3.      Return home with Bull and go straight to the orthopedic surgeon for follow-up.

4.      Grocery store for dinner ingredients.

5.      Get Monkey off limousine. (I know…she rides in a limo!)

6.      Cook dinner.

7.      Praise and Worship practice.

8.      Home, shower, bed.

But here is how it actually went down.

1.      Got Monkey ready for school.

2.      Limo arrived and her 1-1 for both the limo ride and school informed me of her 2 week notice.

3.      Went in the house and cried.

4.      Got Bull ready for the ride.

5.      Did an 180˚ on black ice and crashed into an embankment.

6.      Called AAA and discovered my membership expired 2 days prior.

7.      Was told they couldn’t send a tow unless I paid the renewal right then even though I could not get out of my car and my purse was in the trunk.

8.      Prayed.

9.      Cried

10.   Rejoiced at the Good Samaritan God sent to pour saltwater on my tires to get me out.

11.   Prayed for more help cause Good Samaritan #1 was unable to get me out of the mud.

12.   Rejoiced God send Good Samaritan #2 and #3!

13.   Rejoiced car was still drivable and no one was injured.

14.   Took Bull for surgery.

15.   Cost $100.00 more than expected.

16.   Anesthesia gas leaked in OR suite and I got my migraine back.

17.   Took Bull home.

18.   Canceled and rescheduled orthopedic appt.

19.   Tried to get pain meds into an uncooperative dog.

20.   Cried.

21.   Prayed

22.   Called Dear Hubby to come help.

23.   Took Excedrin.

24.   Lay down.

25.   Got up due to dog barking.

26.   Called school and spoke with principal to make a game plan.

27.   Discovered Monkey will likely miss 2-4 weeks of school until they find a replacement.

28.   Discovered they really want me to find a replacement (I did last time we lost one).

29.   Monkey came home.

30.   Cooked dinner.

31.   Went to P&W practice.

32.   Experienced the peace that only God can give.

It may seem like I’m complaining. I’m not. I am just demonstrating how different my day turned out from what I was expecting. The thought that perhaps God was putting me on a path for homeschooling Monkey wasn’t nearly as frightening as it was when He put me on the path to staying home. I’m not sure exactly what He has planned for us but I’m 100% certain that it is for our good and even though it’s not what I would have chosen it is what I want because God knows best. I believe He’s breaking me in slowly for the plan He has so I’m not terrified and have a heart attack! Regardless of how my day went, I know for certain that Jesus was right there with me the whole time. And He showed up in a big way last night to calm my frayed nerves and give the peace I needed desperately. God is good, even when the circumstances seem overwhelming because He is never caught off guard like I am.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Dear Lord,
 Thank you for the plan that you have for each of us.  Thank you for your Word that holds such peace and strength and promise.  I claim this for myself and for those who are sharing this scripture on this blog.  Let them, even now; be filled with peace and assurance. When all is in turmoil, and we cannot see our way to the end of the day, I thank you that you have a plan.  Help us to be open and receptive to what your desires are for our lives.
    In Jesus' name I pray,
    Amen