A New Beginning...

This is the 4th installment of a series I'm writing about being found by the child I placed for adoption. If you missed the previous entries you can check them out here, Entry One, Entry Two and Entry Three.

As we talk on the phone and text I see the similarities between us. There is no mistaking it, she is my daughter. We share more than just hair color and fair skin, we are alike in so many ways it floors me. She is amazing in every way to me. I feel like I’ve known her all along which is strange because we’re just getting to know each other and there is much about her I’ve yet to discover. I wonder if she feels the same about me?

From the very beginning when she found me she expressed an interest in meeting in person. I am so relieved by this. For years when I would daydream about what it would be like to be found I had the fear that it would only be to find out what her medical history was and that would be all. When she actually did find me the reality of it was something I never dared to let myself imagine. She wants us to be a part of her life. She wants to be part of our lives. Sometimes I can’t believe how incredibly blessed I am. This feels like a miracle.

We have planned a trip to meet not only her and her husband, but the wonderful people who raised her. How amazing is that? Such love and selflessness has surrounded this child as she grew, I can hardly wait to meet the people who raised her. They must be amazing too. In 8 days, just slightly over a week, Monkey and I will load up and drive down to see her! The anticipation I feel is so intense sometimes I find myself just tapping my foot anxiously as if that will speed up time. This is not just a trip, it's the beginning of a journey she and I will take together.

And while there is the anticipation and joy, I'm a little nervous about it as well. I pray that she will like me. I pray that Monkey will do well on the trip. I pray that any fear and nervousness felt on the part of her and her family will be eased. I pray...

This is a new beginning…

The Thing I Forgot...

Back in 2009 we had the one year anniversary of Monkey being seizure free. I had been praying for that for a long time and I had gotten my answer! She was seizure free and I was so excited! It was time to begin praying a new prayer. I asked several people to join with me in praying for help with Monkey’s behavior so I could take her onto the mission field. Funny thing happened when we began to pray for that, the behavior got worse, the more we prayed the worse it got. Right here I’m going to skip ahead, too much to get into in one post and today I’m skipping ahead past the part where God set Monkey free. God did set Monkey free and it was a miraculous event that no one could deny, she was completely delivered! She became a child who has joy and a sweet spirit; she still has her days but nothing like before!

Skip ahead to 2010, we lost our daycare, Monkey is staying home with me and her behavior is improving on a daily basis! I took her with me to a Prayer Retreat that was wonderful Friday through Sunday event and she had a splendid time! This was something I would never imagined we could do together. I took her to a party and she did great! She was allowed to go play with the other children without me stressing would she throw something and have a fit. What a relief that was!

So I was just enjoying the wonderful behavior and thinking about what the changes in our lives would mean when all of a sudden I remembered something I had totally forgotten! Back in 2009 the whole reason I had asked for God to help with Monkey’s behavior was to be able to take her on the mission field. How could I lose sight of that fact? I became so caught up in my own agenda, working, having a prayer meeting at work, buying things, serving in the local church, singing, and just kind of living my life without really thinking about what God’s plan was for not just my life but Monkey’s life as well.

I didn’t stop to ask God what He was planning and instead I just did my own thing and asked Him to bless it. How can that be pleasing to God? I’ve asked God to forgive me for this. I have been reminded of the promise I made to Him and have been reminded of the greatness of His unfailing love. I’m thankful for His compassion and longsuffering. My tears have flowed freely during this time but God in His mercy has looked down from Heaven and He sees. He is the God who sees. We will walk through any door God opens; we will wait on Him and expect great things! The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, who search for Him.